


The Dandiest of Lions

by amicableCarriwitchet



Category: Homestuck
Genre: Alternate Universe, F/M, I Don't Write Incest Guys, Nobody is Dead, Rated for cursing, Sleepy Cuddles, They Aren't Related AU, no-sburb au
Language: English
Status: Completed
Published: 2013-11-12
Updated: 2013-11-12
Packaged: 2018-01-01 07:55:45
Rating: Teen And Up Audiences
Warnings: Creator Chose Not To Use Archive Warnings
Chapters: 1
Words: 883
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/1042290
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/amicableCarriwitchet/pseuds/amicableCarriwitchet
Summary: <blockquote class="userstuff">
              <p>In which Rose falls asleep on Mr. Strider's person and he is faced with discomfort, an epiphany, and the challenge of making a strategy to evacuate himself from the situation while being distracted by the situation itself.</p>
            </blockquote>





	The Dandiest of Lions

Let me lay out this Shakespearean tragedy of a scene. It started out as G-rated as the goddamn Disney movie Harley convinced us all to watch. Yeah, that's it. My friends and I were watching a movie at my house. Vanilla as fuck, right? But no. Rose just _had_ to fall asleep nuzzled into my side. Couldn't resist such a chiseled pillow, I guess. To make matters even worse, John and Jade just _had_ to snicker like there was some goddamn rom-com going on at the right side of the couch. She just fell asleep, that was it! There was no romantic implications to fatigue being a bitch, Egbert-Harley amusement or otherwise. And now, here I was, reduced to a cushion for Her Majesty Rose's slumber.  


"Enjoying yourself Dave?" John asks. His buck teeth poke out even more in a smirk. With a stone cold expression, I turn. I'm not about to boost this douche's prankster's gambit any further.  


"Don't know what you're talking about. The movie's alright, I guess, nothing spectacular. No one's gonna claim that the director's the newborn Messiah or anything." My voice doesn't have its usual teasing tone when I speak. Instead, it was vaguely flat and disinterested. It's a perfectly convincing facade, and besides a quirked eyebrow from Egbert in response it's well-received as a Hallmark gift basket. Score. Honestly, though, I'm in dangerous territory at the moment either way. She's unconsciously snuggling into my side like a kitten or some shit, all warm and tiny and adorable. If she doesn't stop soon my god-given cheekbones were going to be masked by a strawberry milkshake blush. The raven-haired assholes to the left would probably have a fucking field day if I let that happen. It's bad enough that I'm in the situation, embarrassment's an even more brutal torture.  


I am going to _kill_ Lalonde once she decides to slip out of her compromising nap. I was totally out of the lining for a suitor now that I had been in such a scandalous situation. The fellow villagers would avert their eyes from my shamelessness. No one would ever buy my family's textiles now. Thanks, Rose. Thanks for making me a social leper. Maybe if I just...shoved her to the side a little. Not enough to wake her up or anything, just to get her off my bod. Nah, she would ask what happened while she was asleep and Harley would spill faster than a dollar-store sippy cup. Shit, that was good. I'm fucking hilarious. Better not laugh, though, if I let a chuckle slip it'll be so thunderous that Rose'll awaken. I'm too clever to put up with that shit. I could slip out of her clutches really stealthily or something, but then they would know I was embarrassed. Fuck, guess I'm going to have to endure some Strider-Lalonde snuggles. There are worse situations, I guess.  


Who the fuck am I kidding? That was rhetorical, I have everyone duped, but seriously. Lying to myself, and nearly being convinced by it, is _low_. Rose is great. Super. The dandiest of goddamn lions. As annoying as it is when she goes all psychiatrist, she gets me. It takes a fucking genius to understand the unchartable expanse of a Strider's mental state. Shit, I actually _like_ her. I'm so incomprehensibly smitten. And here she was, all 60 inches, practically wrapped around me.  


I'm terrified. What was she going to do when she woke up? Rip me to shreds and dump the remains into a garbage disposal? Drag me into whatever circle of Dante's Inferno a forced-cuddler is banished to? Smirk a little and sashay off to read dark poetry or some shit like nothing happened? Even if I Houdini myself out of this, John and Jade are definitely going to tell her. Shit shit shit shit shit. I'm totally blushing right now, aren't I? Better scope out the scene and make sure the conscious people in the household haven't noticed. But, wonder upon wonders, there's no one else in the living room. I was so caught up in my romantic escapades that I didn't notice them leave.  
Well shit. Way to abandon your ship, Captain. I sit there for like a fucking hour because I'm too wimpy to move a muscle and chance waking Rose up, counting the sword nicks on the ceiling to pass the time.  


Then I'm dumb enough to say the amount I reach (106) out loud. I'm nearly about to pass out too, in my defense. The fluttering of Rose's long eyelashes and reveal of her light purple eyes shocks me back into complete awareness. Her small black-painted lips curl into a frown.  
"So you're not gay." She states. Is that seriously her response? Wonders will never cease.  
"Only been trying to tell you since the first coming of Christ. What converted you to our lord and savior Dave's Heterosexuality?" I reply dryly. She laughs a little, clearly as on-edge as I am. What can I say? We're the two most awkward and suave motherfuckers ever known.  
"Come now, Dave. We all know you're not quite as dumb as you look." With that, she burrows even deeper into her position instead of moving from it.  
I wrap an arm around her and allow myself to rest.

**Author's Note:**

> Criticism is welcome, I've set out a doormat and everything. This is the place to crush someone's writing aspirations. I adore it.


End file.
